Lyrics – Vegetable Song

It’s Sunday down the market — we’re pitching strong and loud,
My sisters and my brothers, our old dad would be so proud!
We shout “Come out and buy ’em!” and yet nobody comes,
Till one voice starts to drown us out — and that’s our dear old mum’s.

She says…
You can feel me cabbages and pinch them Brussels sprouts,
You can stroke me cucumbers — the finest that’s about.
You can prod me melons, but listen to me chums,
You can squeeze me gooseberries, but please don’t touch me plums!

One day our dear old Queen came down to see us sell our wares
She said, “It’s awfully jolly! Why, what delicious pears!”
“I’m feeling rather peckish” was the comment of the Duke’s,
“I’ll grab a few tomatoes, and a couple of them ‘cuckes.”

Ma said …
You can feel me cabbages and pinch them Brussels sprouts,
You can stroke me cucumbers — the finest that’s about.
You can prod me melons, but listen to me chums,
You can squeeze me gooseberries, but please don’t touch me plums!

She died one day last August. She approached the pearly gates.
She carried in her Tesco’s bag some veg, fresh fruit, and dates.
St. Peter saw her coming, went to show her the best route.
He said, “Your bag looks heavy, let me help you with your fruit.”

She said…
You can feel me cabbages and pinch them Brussels sprouts,
You can stroke me cucumbers — the finest that’s about.
You can prod me melons, but listen to me chums,
You can squeeze me gooseberries, but please don’t touch me plums!

(refrain 2x)